


In The Flame Of Doubt

by Arithese



Category: Shazam! (2019)
Genre: Billy is trying, Dentist, Family Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Milkshakes, Momma Rosa, Past Child Abuse, Talk about past child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 23:15:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19755748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arithese/pseuds/Arithese
Summary: Billy goes to the dentist with the Vasquez family for the first time.





	In The Flame Of Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to ItsyBitsyBatsySpider for helping me with this chapter. (Seriously, go check out her stories, they are amazing)
> 
> Dentists are apparently very different in the Netherlands as opposed to the US, and checkups take like an hour at least. So for the sake of this story I’m ignoring that and I’ll be writing from my own experience in the Netherlands, where check-ups are like 10-15 minutes :3.
> 
> So if there are any inconsistencies in this story, that’s because this is how we do it in the Netherlands, and otherwise the story wouldn’t work. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

His leg was bouncing up and down, anxiety rushing through him, and the same anxiety that he was trying to push down right now, unsuccessfully that is. Rosa glances at him, but she didn’t speak up. She just sighs, looking away again to glance down at the magazine in her hands.

Billy was glad she didn’t comment, and he was glad Rosa understood.

Rosa always understood when he didn’t _need_ someone being up in his face, when he needed some distance from the overwhelming force that was their family. She understood when Billy needed some time for himself, or just some space to get used to the situation. This being one of those moments.

“Vasquez?” A voice asks, and Rosa glances up, smiling slightly and putting the magazine down on the table.

“That’s us,” She says, standing up from her chair. “Let’s go.” She smiles, extending her hand so Darla could grab it. They were just with the four of them right now, Rosa, Freddy, Darla and him. Freddy also got up from the chair, the sound of the crutch on the floor almost echoing through the waiting room.

Billy walks after his family, hands in the pockets of his vest.

He glances around as they walk over to the room that the dentist was leading them to, feeling his heart jump slightly at the interior. There was one chair to lay in, machines all around it and a monitor that displayed something he didn’t understand. There were some more cabinets, a computer, and 3 chairs on the side.

“Good afternoon.” The head dentist smiles, shaking Rosa’s hand, before Freddy’s. “It’s nice to see you again Darla, have you been following my instructions like I told you?” He asks as he shakes her hand. Darla grins brightly.

“We made a song that we sing when I brush my teeth.” Darla exclaims, eyes twinkling. The dentist smiles.

“Wonderful Darla.” The dentist praises, before he turned to Billy. “And you must be Billy, Rosa has told me you would be joining us today. I am Matthew Thurston, but you can call me Matt. I’ve been treating your family for 12 years now, I met Freddy when he was just 5 years old.” Matt gestured to the raven haired boy.

Freddy just shrugs slightly, sitting down on one of the chairs instead.

“I know this place can be a little overwhelming.” _Define a little,_ Billy mutters in his head. “But I promise that it’s not as bad as it looks. Darla is always first to go, then Rosa and then I can take a look at yours, so you can see what we do okay?” Matt almost rambles, and Billy can do nothing but nod.

He’d rather _not_ be in the chair at all, but at least Matt was considerate of his fears, unlike his previous dentist.

“Darla?” Matt asks, and the little girl nods eagerly, hopping onto the chair and lying down. Matt reclined the seat, and Billy watched as the dentist checked her for cavities, which she luckily didn’t have. The assistant then went on to give her a fluoride therapy as Rosa laid down on the chair instead.

Billy just watched silently, trying to swallow down the lump in the throat, but it wouldn’t go away. Rosa didn’t have any cavities either, and the chair was slowly put up again so she could get off the chair. Billy knew what that meant, when Rosa walked up to him and sitting down next to him again.

“Your turn Billy.” Rosa nudged him gently, and Billy swallowed thickly again, carefully standing up. He pushed down the nervousness he felt, sitting down on the chair and laying down.

“Okay Billy, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do okay?” Matt asks, and Billy nods silently. “I’m going to lower the chair and then I want you to open your mouth.” He instructed, but still Billy didn’t speak, swallowing thickly as the chair was lowered until he was fully laying down on, staring at the ceiling.

The assistant adjusted the light so it was shining down on him, and he almost hesitantly opened his mouth. Matt hums behind the mask, getting to work. Billy just endures it silently, listening to Matt explain what he was doing and looking at. His muscles were taut as Matt prodded in his mouth, scraping between his teeth in some places and poking at his gums.

It strung, didn’t hurt, but it was an unpleasant feeling.

He had forgotten what it was like sitting in this chair, it had been too long in the first place. His mom never bothered, and it was his second foster home that had him long enough to send him to the dentist, and get his teeth checked out. He had hated it back then, and he was hating it now as well.

Matt was telling some random numbers, going from tooth to tooth while the assistant was typing in the results. That.. couldn’t be good. But he tried to block it out, staring right back at the ceiling. Anxiety was creeping up on him, making him squirm in his seat, the urge to _run_ increasing with every second.

“Well Billy, I’m actually quite impressed how well-maintained your teeth are, considering your… prior living conditions.” Matt says gently, and Billy frowns. _Living on the streets_ , he means Billy muses. “You only have one cavity.” There it was, the death sentence he was fearing for.

The chair was slowly brought up again, and he could feel his head swirl as he threw his legs over the side of the chair, but he couldn’t get the energy to move, to get off the chair. Matthew didn’t seem to notice his distress, and even Rosa was looking at the dentist instead of him, not noticing him.

“If you have time I can do that afterwards, my next appointment was called off an hour ago.” Matthew says, and Billy snaps his head upwards, eyes widening. _No, not this soon_. _He couldn’t.. not now._

“We have the time, that would be amazing.” Rosa says, and only then does she look at him. _Run_ , the urge suddenly hit him all at once. _Run_. “Billy?” Rosa asks softly, her voice concerned. And he just couldn’t take it anymore, he jumped off the chair, bolting out of the room before anyone could stop him.

“Billy!” He could hear Freddy shout, but he ignored it. He could faintly hear Rosa order them to _stay_ , he ignored it. He just knew he ran, pushing the door open and rushing through the waiting room. He didn’t care about the woman at the reception, couldn’t even truly realise she was still there.

He just ran through the hall, throwing the door open. He recoiled as the wind hit his face, and for a moment he just stands there, mind whirling with too many thoughts to make sense of. He swayed slightly and he put a hand on the wall, staggering away from the exit but he didn’t get far away.

He could feel his legs tremble beneath him, sheer panic grabbing him and pooling in his stomach. His chest restricted, and he couldn’t draw in a breath. Not enough, he couldn’t get enough oxygen. His head throbbed, _begging_ his lungs to do what they were supposed to do in the first place.

“Billy?” A sob tore from his throat, unwillingly. “Billy, can you look at me? I need you to calm down, you’re hyperventilating.” _Was he?_ He had no idea what was going on. His vision was blurring from the tears lingering in his eyes, going in and out of focus as his head continued to swirl dangerously.

 _He was going to pass out_.

“Please just breathe honey.” There was a hand on his cheek, a hand on his shoulder. He could feel the wind gentle tug at him, going through his hair. It was the end of April, but it suddenly seemed too cold, causing him to shiver violently. And yet, he couldn’t get himself to move from the spot, go back inside.

He slowly blinked, the person in front of him clearing. _Rosa_.

“There you go, just take it easy.” Rosa encouraged him, and Billy could see Rosa smile gently. Billy takes a shuddering breath, glancing at his surroundings. He was leaning against the wall, his back pressed against it. Right now he was lucky he went out of the back exit, and there were no people looking at them.

Rosa was sitting on her knees in front of him. She noticed him glancing around, softening a bit and shifting on the spot to sit down next to him. Billy wanted to protest, tell her that she didn’t have to sit on the streets for _him_. But she was having none of it, and Billy could see that on her face.

“What happened honey?” She asks, and Billy could feel his heart jump. “Please speak to me.” Billy tries to take a breath again, but it just hitched. He swallowed, shaking his head faintly.

“I… I can’t.. the cavity-” Billy tries to explain, but his words fell short, he couldn’t seem to be able to form proper words.

“Are you scared to get it filled?” Rosa guessed softly, and Billy dares to look up at her, tears streaming down his face. Billy clenches his jaw, bringing his knees to his chest, and wrapping his arms around them. “I won’t judge you Billy, nobody likes getting their cavities filled.” Rosa continues softly.

Billy didn’t _want_ to ignore her, Rosa didn’t deserve that after all she had done for him, but he just couldn’t seem to find the right words, or the energy to speak. His mind was swirling with thoughts, memories of _that_ time. And he couldn’t get the voices in his head to shut up long enough for him to think.

“Mary had a cavity 3 years ago, I remember how scared she was as well.” Rosa says, still watching him. _But there was no judgement on her face at all_. “But filling cavities are necessary Billy. I know filling them is anything but pleasant, I’ve had a few as well, but they’re necessary.”

“Not always.” Billy mutters darkly, and he could see Rosa frown. He didn’t _want_ to see it, so he turned his head away from her.

“What do you mean?” She asks softly, but Billy met her with silence. Rosa gently reached out, and pulling Billy’s head towards her so he was looking at her. The grip was gentle, allowing Billy to pull away if he wanted to, but Billy allowed her, staring up at her with fear in his eyes.

Billy swallows thickly. “When I was 8 years old I got pain in my lower jaw… when I ate and drank or something.” Billy starts softly, and Rosa just watches silently. “I told my teacher, who then told my foster dad… but he didn’t want to take me to the dentist. He didn’t want to spend a fortune on someone like me.”

Billy scowled at himself, and Rosa could feel her heart break slightly at the condescending tone Billy was using to describe himself. She wanted to correct him, but she was afraid that it would discourage him from continuing the story, which was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

“My teacher threatened to report him for child abuse.. and like she wasn’t wrong…” Billy shudders slightly, and Rosa puts a hand in front of her mouth. She had expected it, she knew how likely it was both by the messed up foster system in the first place and the way Billy acted.

The trauma he had clearly suffered.

But to hear him admit that he was abused, in at least one of his homes, was heart-breaking. And Rosa had to swallow down a sob from escaping her throat. Billy gnaws at his lip, turning his head away from her again and instead staring at the pavement in front of him, ignoring the tears on his face.

“So he took me to the dentist and… he said I had a cavity.” Billy takes a shuddering breath, trying to calm himself, _willing_ his heart to calm down. “And it had already gotten really bad”

“Oh honey-” Rosa whispers, but Billy shook his head numbly. _That wasn’t the worst part_. Billy swallowed, mouth suddenly too dry.

“So my foster dad couldn’t just _not_ schedule that appointment now the dentist knew, so he scheduled one in 2 weeks.” Billy glances at Rosa for a moment, and Rosa could see the _pain_ in his eyes at the memory. “He… hurt me when we got home.” Rosa _knew_ it was coming, and yet, it wasn’t any less difficult to hear

When would it ever be easy to hear the child you love so much was actually abused?

Rosa slowly reaches out, grasping his hand. Billy glances at her, softly squeezing back as a silent agreement, that it was okay for her to hold his hand. And Billy could feel his heart settle just a little bit, the physical contact was comforting to him, and somehow it kept him grounded.

“He…. he made me repay him by refusing food and making me work for him, and said I couldn’t get the cavity filled with anaesthesia cause he didn’t want to pay even more.” Billy doesn’t look at Rosa, too ashamed to do so. “So I got it filled without.. and the dentist just.. _didn’t_ care.”

“Billy… I can’t even imagine.” Rosa whisper, feeling the tears continue to burn in her eyes.

“Well I ran away soon after.” Billy mutters darkly, but Rosa shakes her head softly.

“That doesn’t take away what you went through Billy.” She says, shifting slightly so she was closer to her son. “What he did was wrong.” She affirms, but Billy huffs slightly at the sentence, refusing to meet her eyes. That alone made Rosa’s heart jump in fear, almost like someone had stabbed her.

“Billy… do you think you deserve what he did?” Rosa whispers, and Billy gnaws at his lip. Rosa carefully reaches out, tipping his chin up. Billy reluctantly meets her eyes.

“It was my fault I got the cavity.” Billy mumbles, and Rosa can feel her breath catch in her throat, almost as if it was closing up too much to let enough air through. _This poor boy_.

“Billy this is _not_ your fault, you didn’t deserve this. That man was awful, and sadly there are too many of them out there, but that doesn’t mean you deserve any of this.” Billy doesn’t react, and Rosa loosens her grip slightly, giving him the option to pull away. “Is that why you freaked out?” She asks.

Billy’s ears turn red, and he ducks his head in embarrassment. Rosa would almost say it’s cute… no, it was cute to see how he reacted. It was one of the many joys of fostering for Rosa, but the situation and the reason was changing everything, and it made Rosa sick to think about Billy’s past.

“I can’t do that Rosa, I’ll be fine with it.. I can handle it.” Billy tries, and Rosa gaze softens at the statement.

“You can’t just let the cavity sit Billy, I wish it could, really.” Rosa denies but Billy shakes his head, rubbing at his tears.

“I can’t Rosa, please don’t make me.” He pleads, and Rosa wanted nothing more than to say yes, assure him that he didn’t have to, but she couldn’t. They couldn’t just ignore the cavity and hope it would go away, because it wouldn’t. And it would only make things worse the longer they left it.

“We both know we can’t.” Rosa whispers softly, but Billy doesn’t react, jaw set tightly. Rosa shuffled closer, wrapping her arm around him. Billy just leans into the embrace, placing his head on her shoulder. There was a silence for a moment. “There’s no other way Billy.” Rosa whispers softly.

Billy nods. “I know.” He mumbles, and Rosa glances at the boy, an apologetic look on her face.

“We can schedule another day, that’s also okay. But I will go with you either way, you won’t have to do this alone Billy, I promise.” Billy doesn’t react to her, taking a shuddering breath as they sit in silence for a quick moment, before the door next to them suddenly opens.

Matthew walks out, glancing around before his gaze quickly settles on the two of them sitting there.

“Is everything okay?” He asks, and Rosa nods with a smile, bringing up a hand to cart through Billy’s hair.

“I think we’re going to schedule the filling for another day, give us some-“ Rosa starts but Billy shakes his head.

“No…let’s just get it over with.” He says, looking at Matthew for a moment before glancing at Rosa. The older woman furrows her brow.

“We can schedule one for later Billy, it’s not a problem, really.” Rosa tries again, but Billy slowly stood up.

“I just want it over, if I go home.. and I still need it done then it’s only going to get worse.” Billy denies. Rosa’s face softens at the statement and she slowly stands up.

“Are you sure?” Rosa asks again, and Billy could hear how sincere she was, how she _wanted_ him to tell the truth. She wasn’t just pretending to care, like a lot of other foster parents would. They would ask him about something, and then _not_ listen, or ask just for the sake of asking.

Rosa wanted to make sure he was sure of his decision, and didn’t _just_ accept it because she wanted to hear that answer.

“Will you stay with me?” Billy asks softly, almost inaudible. Rosa smiles softly.

“Of course Billy, I won’t leave your side.” Rosa says, glancing at Matt for a moment but he nods a well.

“Are we ready to go back inside?” He asks, and Billy nods silently, rubbing away the tears. Rosa wraps an arm around him as they walk back into the office.

“After this we can go get something you like, okay? We can order pizza, or get a milkshake, Freddy can almost always be persuaded by a strawberry milkshake. But you can get anything you want okay?” Rosa whispers softly, and Billy nods, not finding the energy to speak up.

He’s almost too afraid to meet the eyes of Darla and Freddy, but they were just looking at him with worried looks. It was clear Freddy had already had his check up as well, since he was just ready to take the fluoride out of his mouth, along with the little mouthguard the dentist used to put it in.

He looked ridiculous, and Billy almost laughed, if it weren’t for his beating heart.

“It’s okay.” Rosa sends their way, but she doesn’t leave his side as he walks over to the chair, reluctantly sitting down again.

“Do you want anaesthesia?” Matthew asks as he starts preparing for the procedure. Billy is almost inclined to say _no_ , not because he wanted to but because of what happened the last time he was filling a cavity. The pain he had felt when he had gotten ‘home’ again, how angry his foster dad had been with him.

“Yes please.” _But he knew Rosa wasn’t like that_. Matthew nods approvingly.

“Good, then I’m going to lower the chair now okay?” He asks, and Billy nods shakily, lying down on the chair so Matt could recline it again. “Fun little fact, there’s only one nerve in the lower jaw on either side, so I only need to insert it once.” Matt jokes light-heartedly, tracing Billy’s under jaw to show where it was.

Billy was actually glad Matt tried to make him feel at ease, the last dentist surely hadn’t done that.

“Okay so what I will do it give you the anaesthesia. You’ll probably feel a little pinch, the needle will go in, but I can’t reach the right spot immediately, so I will pull back the needle just a little bit before inserting it again. This will only take a few seconds.” Matt explains. “You ready?” He asks, and Billy lets out a noise in the back of his throat.

“Rosa?” He asks shakily, but Rosa was already there, chair pulled up next to him and grasping his arm, but avoiding being in the way of the dentist. Billy could feel his heart hammering in his throat, but he nods. “Go for it.” He swallows thickly before opening his mouth.

Matt leans in with the needle. Billy squeezes Rosa’s hand desperately, wincing slightly when the needle entered his skin… but it didn’t even hurt much, barely a pinch. Still, it didn’t calm his anxiety at all, and he shut his eyes desperately. The needle went into his gums, could feel it going in.

And then, just like Matt said, he took the needle back just a little bit before going further into the gums again.

“That’s it.” Matt smiles, taking the needle out.

“Already?” Billy asks bewildered, blinking a couple of times. Rosa squeezes his hand at that.

“Yes, now we just have to wait a few minutes for it to work.” He says, and Billy doesn’t even react at that, waiting silently. As the dentist said, his jaw slowly started to get numb, and it almost felt like his skin was swelling up. He tenderly touched it, but the skin felt funny beneath his fingers.

“So what will happen in a few minutes is that I’m going to remove all the bad stuff in your tooth with a little drill. Because of the anaesthesia this shouldn’t hurt, but if it does, you can let Rosa know, and I will stop immediately. After that I will go in with a larger one that will clatter a bit on your teeth.” Matthew explains.

“This shouldn’t take too long, and after that the worst part is over.” He continues, and Billy nods again. “Just remember, if you want me to stop, I will.” He says.

“Do you want Freddy and Darla to stay, honey?” Rosa asks softly, and Billy furrows his brow for a moment.

“Can they?” He asks croakily, his speech slightly slurred because of his numb jaw.

“Of course dude, we’re not leaving.” Freddy says, walking to the end of the chair to sit at the end. Even Darla nods, dragging a chair with her so she could sit next to Freddy. She puts a hand on his ankle, and Billy could feel himself calm down just a little bit at the contact. He glances at Rosa for a moment.

To confirm if it was okay for Darla to stay with him, but Rosa nods encouragingly, and Billy reluctantly laid down again.

The dentist got to work, and Billy just squeezed his eyes shut the entire time Matt got to work. The drill didn’t _hurt_ , but it wasn’t a pleasant feeling either. He could feel tears leaking from his eyes, heart hammering in his chest, and he knew that the only reason he was still semi-calm was because of his family.

Darla’s hand never left, and Rosa rubbed his arm in a comforting matter, her hand interlinked with his. He couldn’t hear them over the drilling, and the suction in his mouth, but he knew they were _there_ , which was enough for now. He just endured it silently, trying to focus on anything but his mouth.

Eventually Matt grabbed the larger drill, and Billy winced for a moment. Matt had been right to say it would clatter more, and he could practically feel his skull vibrating along with the drill, but still, there was no pain.

After that it was almost like a blur to him, and he knows he should’ve been a bit more alarmed about that. Matt put a weird clamp around his tooth before applying something, and then hardening it by using the blue light. Billy didn’t really understand what Matt was doing at all during the procedure.

And the last time the dentist hadn’t even bothered explaining that to him.

But Matt kept telling him what he was going to do next, warn him when something would feel weird, or sound scary. And he was just so grateful for that. Eventually Matt went in to just shape the tooth again, and he had to bite down on some weird paper, to check if the tooth was good.

And then it was done.

“You did amazing sweetie.” Rosa whispers as the chair was slowly put upright again. Billy’s head rushed a bit but Rosa steadied him with a warm smile. “I’m so proud of you.” She gently traced her thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away his tears, Billy would’ve been embarrassed if he wasn’t just so emotionally drained.

He felt as if he had just woken up from a nap that had taken too long.

“I second that Billy, you did really well.” Matt says, and Billy glances at him. “I wish you could all be so well behaved in this chair.” Matt send an explicit look towards Freddy, who just grins sheepishly.

“I’m sorry for what happened.” Billy says softly, speech still slightly slurred, and his jaw ached from having it open for 20 minutes long.

Matt waves him off. “Don’t worry about that Billy, it happens. I’ve seen worse reactions, and yours is totally understandable.” He says. “Just try to brush your teeth and floss twice a day, but seeing how well you maintained your teeth I don’t worry about that.”

 _Partially because there wasn’t much food to ruin them with_ , Billy mentally muttered, but he quickly shook that thought away.

“Thank you again Matthew.” Rosa eventually speaks up, shaking his hand. Billy was glad they were leaving. Matthew was nice, no doubt about that, but he was still a stranger, and right now he just wanted to go home. Where he could be vulnerable, and where he felt safe to calm his now still racing heart.

It took another 5 minutes for them to get back to the car, Billy in the front next to Rosa, and Darla and Freddy in the back.

“So, McDonald's?” Rosa smiles, and Billy chews on his lip.

“Can we go through the drive thru instead?” Billy asks softly, and he almost wants to take back the statement, Darla loved McDonald’s and so did Freddy, he didn’t want to ruin their fun, but Rosa just keeps smiling. That same warm smile as always.

“Of course we can Billy, you decide.” Rosa says, starting up the car and driving away. On the way to the McDonald’s Rosa gently reached out with her right hand, grasping Billy’s hand again. Rosa didn’t look at him, keeping her eyes on the road, but a slight smile was plastered on her face.

Billy could feel his heart calming down the further away from the dentist they got, and he allowed himself to sag in the seat. The appointment had taken a little longer as planned, so they just decided to get dinner for everyone at the same time. Billy marvelled at the amount of food they had ordered.

He duly noted the strawberry smoothie that Rosa already handed to Freddy, and the blueberry mango one she gave him. Darla got a, smaller, vanilla one. And now Billy understood why Rosa had explicitly given him a straw as well. And even Freddy barked out a laugh when he tried to drink.

“Dude, that’s the worst thing about anaesthesia.” Freddy grins, watching Billy struggle to move his mouth around the straw when half of it was completely numb.

“You suck.” Billy shot back, but even he couldn’t stop the amused smile from appearing on his face. And he just smiled contently as they continued to drive home.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man, drinking after anaesthesia is so weird, first time I had a cavity filled with anaesthesia I spilled water all over my shirt cause I couldn’t feel the glass against my lips when I got home.
> 
> Hope y’all liked it!


End file.
